oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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