I think my fart just growled at me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
