Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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