Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You ruined the universe
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
