Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
