it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
