Non-Jews are for practice
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
