Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
