Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
