Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
