Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
