don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
