bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
