you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
