My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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