my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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