he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
