I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize