You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We had sex on a dog bed..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
