Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
