Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize