i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
