hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
