He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
