ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
