i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
