You're my little dorito
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He kissed a someone with a penis
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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