Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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