you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
