i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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