she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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