Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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