I wish I could teleport
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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