I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
