The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
