actually, I'm a sock model
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
