I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
whose parrot is this?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize