I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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