I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
