What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
