Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
