is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
