Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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