some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
