he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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