I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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