I must be too annoying 4 u.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
