Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
