we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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