so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
