I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
