so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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