I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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