Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
