I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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