I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I won the penis lottery.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
