i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
