I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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