All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
