it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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