No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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