hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
