He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
