you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
