definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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