My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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