you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
