im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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