Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize