Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can't turn off my feet"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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