I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
