just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
